


Clothing

by thebeasknees



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Again, Connor doesn't really care, Evan has a break down over wearing a skirt, Gen, I can't let any of my stories have short tags lol, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, Online Shopping, Pre-Treebros, S K I R T, g a y, i'M SAD, insomnia but k i n d a, pretty thingsTM, the f-slur, the start of a panic attack kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25577836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeasknees/pseuds/thebeasknees
Summary: Evan doesn't really know why he wants to dress how he dresses. Connor is confused, but very entertained.Or: Evan basically panics over wearing a skirt. Again, Connor is confused, but entertained.
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26





	Clothing

It was dark outside. Evan guessed that it was maybe 1 in the morning.

And the thing is, Evan knew he had to go to school tommorow, but he couldn't sleep. He always tried to make it a point to fall asleep before it got too dark outside, but his brain would often wander places where they shouldn't wonder. Breaking down his self esteem piece until there's nothing left, leaving him in tears in the middle of the night.

When Evan talked to Connor about it, he said it was 'Your brain being dumb.', And that Evan should call him if his brain got too loud- but he didn't want to do that, didn't want to call or text or really do anything. He just wanted to get to sleep and be in peace for the next couple of hours. Even though there was school tommorow, he pulled up his laptop from the counter on the side of his bed and opened it, going to random online shopping websites. He knew that this was probably a bad habit- but it was much better than his brain being dumb and saying mean, dumb things. Soon, he was in a spiral, tumbling down the tunnel that was the internet, not aware of the time.

Witch had led him to his current situation.

Now, he was scrolling through clothes- pretty clothes. And skirts. And other Very Pretty Things that Evan wanted, even though there was this pit in his stomach that told him what he was doing was wrong. There was this skirt, and it wasn't short whatsoever. It was probably ankle length, and it had a little flower pattern on it- little daisies. And a sweater, too. A brown sweater.

A nice sweater. A pretty sweater.

And he didn't know why he wanted to wear them so bad, because that was weird, and strange, and he was a guy so ' _why would he even wear something like this?'_ But.... Was it really so strange? He had heard of boys that did that. Dressed like that- and honestly? He wanted to be one of those boys, but he wasn't 'nice-lookingish' enough. 'But, then again,' Evan's brain noted, ' _Nobody will see you.'_

His brain was technically right. It's not like he's wearing the outfit out of the house: so he clicked onto both of the items and bought them. The laptop said the skirt and sweater would be at his house around the same time he got out of school. He huffed and rested his head against the pillow, closing the laptop. Okay.

Lets see how this goes.

\----

The next day, he felt awfully anxious,(not as though he isn't already a mess), because he was scared the clothing might get stolen, or that it will arrive late, or something like that. During the day, Connor was being cheeky and sarcastic and perfect (like always) and he was dressed like normal boys are and how boys are supposed to dress and Evan just felt _wrong._ Distraught and weird and annoyed at himself. He knew that Connor probably thought whatever Evan was so anxious about must have been _his_ fault, so really, what was Evan _supposed_ to say when Connor asked to come over?

"Can I stay over tonight? My parents are being shit. I can just use the key. Only if that's good with you though. Cause I don't need to, I'll be okay-"

"N-no. No it's okay. O-Of course you can stay over. You basically live in my house, you can come over whenever."

And so, Evan decided he'd just have to try to clothes on quickly when he got home.

That would be easy, right?

\--

When Evan did get to his house, he full on squealed at the box in front of the house, and picked it up, walked into the house, locking the door behind him. When he got upstairs, he shook his clothes off and cringed at the smell of outside that was quickly met with his nose, noting he had to take a shower when Connor went back home. He put on the sweater and the skirt as quickly as he could (witch wasn't very quick because he had absolutely no idea how to put on a skirt). The brown sweater kinda tumbled over his arms- it was baggy. He looked up to the mirror and

Wow.

He actually kind of felt nice-looking.

Witch was totally-not-true, because one side of his head was screaming about how he was ugly and gross and sweaty and just- just _disgusting_. But he felt so nice, and he didn't look absolutely terrible and.. And Evan half smiled a little.

He heard the front door open from downstairs and his breathing quickened, because he needed to get this off. But Connor wouldn't care, right?

Of _course_ he would care, what was he talking about. Connor wouldn't want to be around a fag like Evan, around someone so gross and horrible and weird and, again, gross, then he would go tell Jared and Jared would tell everyone and everyone would know what a disgusting person he is, and-

The bedroom door opened. Connor blinked a few times and then raised an eyebrow, plopping onto the floor and grabbing a book from his bag.

"Can we watch a movie? An angry one. I need to get my anger out on something. "

Connor looked him up and down again.

"You look pretty, today, by the way. "


End file.
